


All things poe

by Totheendsoftheearth



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt, Love, Some stories could be either gender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:31:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6231589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totheendsoftheearth/pseuds/Totheendsoftheearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little short one shot Poe stories. </p><p>I'm new to writing please be gentle with me the way you want Poe to be gentle and sweet to you ;)</p><p>Have started a Kylo version as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. crash landings

**Author's Note:**

> Poe is worried when your shuttle crashes and you are rushed to surgery. He stays by your side the entire time.  
> Readers gender is not specified in this one

"General Organa we have the missing shuttle on sensors!" 

"Good what can you tell me?" General Organa questioned making eye contact with Poe who was stood hovering over the command center equipment. This is the most anxious she had ever seen him before. His hands clenched in tight fists blanching white from the pressure. His eyebrows deeply frowing. Poe had been pacing up and down the moment your team had lost you.

"She's coming in way to fast General! Unless she slows down she will crash.  Senser readings suggest her engines have been hit, she might not be able to slow down her approach" the recruit stood at the terminal replied. 

"What are the coordinators y\n is set to make contact? I want you to send a medical crew and a repair crew to the location. Tell the med bay to prepare for wounded." 

Poe's eyes turned from furrowed anxiety to wide eyed shock and panic. "General let me go to. I need to be there for better or worse" 

The general placed a hand on his shoulder "Go. Quickly. You have my permission" not letting on her own worry and concern for you and the other passengers of the shuttle you were piloting. 

"Thank you General." Poe replied as he sprinted out the door, the general knowing she would of had a hard time stopping him since you were involved.

Poe made his way to the hanger were he joined the medical team and their shuttle to the crash site. They were prepared with what ever supplies they could carry and stretchers for potential wounded. Poe's heart was racing. He could hear it pounding in his own ears as adrenalin coursed through his body. He hadn't even considered what he might find when he got there he knew he had to get to you. 

It seemed to Poe it took forever to reach the site but reality was no more than 5 minutes had elapsed. "Hurry up! Open this door!" He shouted the minute they landed as his fist hammered at the metal. Hoping it would some how open faster.

The door opened slowly and before him was the twisted metal wreckage of the shuttle. The rear was smoking and in fire. Poe sprinted to the door while shouting "Y\N hang on, I'm coming for you. Hold tight baby." He frantically pressed buttons on an outer keypad but the door refused to budge.

The repair crew who had arrived in their own shuttle pushed him aside and set to work. Blow torches made easy work of the twisted metal like a knife through butter. Smoke poured out of the newly formed hole.

The medical team now pushed forward racing to see what they were dealingwith. Poe knew he had to let them work so stood outside giving them space.

He watched on in hope as a young women was helped of first. Her only apparent injury a shallow cut to her head. She coughed as the fresh air hit her lungs. A second unconcious passenger was then helped to a stretcher, an oxygen mask placed over her face. Poe was finding the wait agonising. A third then fourth passenger were assisted out to receive same treatment. That was all the passengers it was only you, the pilot, left unaccounted for. Poe's throat and chest became  tight as panic set in. Hands shaking uncontrollable. He knew you had been further front within the shuttle piloting. Last to be reached.

Finally after an eternity he made out movement in the smoke. Two medical staff were holding you upright bringing you out into the fresh air. Your head slumped forward giving no obvious signs of your condition. You were completely limp in their arms.

Poe ran over and helped them lift you onto a stretcher. Blood. It was then Poe realised there was blood seeping through your jumpsuit. Medical staff scanned you on the move as everyone pilled into the shuttle to take the injured back to base. "Please baby wake up" Poe chanted in his head. 

"Pulse is weak but it's there" a nurse said to Dameron remembering he was there and your relationship. Poe let out a deep breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. He wanted to hold your hand but medical staff pushed him back as they worked to undo the jumpsuit. As the zip came undone he saw that your white vest was a deep, wet crimson colour now. Staff lifted it up to reveal the wound that was the source of all your blood. Poe felt nauseous but compelled himself to look. His eyes glued to you as they applied pressure to the wound

As soon as the shuttle landed you were rushed into surgery, priority over the other injured. Poe felt so helpless. He could do nothing but wait outside knowing your fate hung in the balance. He could loose you. This wasn't a bad dream it was real life. In the sky he was very much in control but here in the white clinical medical bay he was powerless. Poe remembered the last time he saw you smile. What if that was the last time? What if he never got to  hear you laugh again. Or cry. Or see you running your hand through your hair when nervous. Or bite your lip when thinking. The tiny quirks that made you, well, you. His Y/N.

A staff member burst out of the room, gown crimson with your blood. "How is Y/N!" Poe practically tackled the poor nurse eager for news. Any news. The nurse could see how scared he was. She smiled reassuringly  "The bleeding has stopped, we are now working on stitching up the wound. It's deep I'm not going to lie but it's looking good so far. y/n will pull through." 

Poe slumped down in the chair hand coming to his face in relief. Exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks. The terror and panic felt like it had aged him by a hundred years. He watched the clock as it moves so incredibly slow. Counting down when he would see you again. 

Two long, dull, worried hours passed when you were finally wheeled out of the surgery room. Poe jumped up racing to your side moving along with you. Holding your hand that didn't have any needles going into he told you "it's OK baby. It's going to be OK. I'm here. I wont leave you alone not even for a second." Your hand felt limp and cold in his, not full of life like he was was accustomed to. 

Once in a private room a nurse hooked you up moitors that would send out alarms minute anything happened. She gave Poe a sympathetic smile then left you guys alone. Poe once again took your hand willing you to grip it back. He knew what the staff had said but he wouldn't relax until he heard your beautiful voice say his name. He found it almost erotic the way you would whisper his name. He loved the feeling of your hot breath as it escaped your lips when making love. "Poe this is not the time for such thoughts." He had to remind himself.

Talking out loud he hoped would rouse you from your slumber. "Hey y/n. I'm still here. I'm not leaving your side until you look at me. You really scared me you know that? What happened out there? Don't do that to me again. If anything were to happen my soul couldn't cope. You complete me Y/N. I feel whole when I'm with you. It just feels so  _right_. Like it was meant to be. The minute I saw you I knew. You took my breath away there and then. I never told you before, but before we actually met I had seen you stepping foot on the base for the first time. I told BB8 I had to find out who you were. Lust at first sight. Who knew that it would turn into what we have today, huh?Please look at me Y/N. I promise I won't put my cold feet on you at night ever again if you wake up and look me in the eyes right now." 

Poe knew you would wake when ready but felt he had to do SOMETHING. He'd done a whole lot of worrying and waiting but not alot else. Your fate had been in the hands of others.

He felt his eyes dropping closed and he jolted upright forcing himself awake. He swear he felt you squeeze his hand back. Must of been his imagination. THERE! It happened again he saw your hand twitch this time.your eyes fluttered open at long last. In that moment Poe knew it was all going to be OK. You were going to be OK.

"Poe?" You whispered quietly unsure of where you were. He stroked your hair with his free hand "Hey baby I'm here I didn't leave you."

"Where am I Poe?"

"There was an accident you are in the medical bay. It's all going to be OK the staff did a wonderful job."

"Kiss me Poe" you said staring Into his warm, brown eyes. As he lent forward and placed a gentle peck on your lips you felt the familiar warmth and excitement fill your chest. He looked exhausted. How long has he been here? 

The sound of his name on your lips was the best thing he had ever heard he decided after the long silent waiting game.

"By the way Poe." You whispered in his ear with a weak but mischievous smile "I heard what you said about cold feet at night. I'll hold you to that."


	2. Every thug needs a lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know it's dark here, you know that I'm scared too  
> For some reason right now, of everything but you  
> Right now you're all that I recognize"
> 
> Alkaline Trio - Every Thug Needs a Lady
> 
> You and Poe are captured by the first order and held in the same cell. Reader is gender neutral in this one and has a potty mouth.

The stormtroopers dragged you twisting and shouting down the metal corridor. Every thing was so damn shiny and clinical looking. You laughed as you spat in the direction of the faceless figure on your right.

"Hey how do you like that. Resistance scum dirtying up your ship! Living up to my filth name as a rebel huh?" 

Neither figure responded to your act of defiance. You knew you were powerless against them so had to show you still had fight left in you somehow. They continued pulling you to your destination.

The one you nicknamed zombie one in your head hit a key pad. A door opened with a loud "swoosh" sound.

You stumbled over the threshold as zombie two pushed you forward in the direction of the cell. Before you could turn around to give them more abuse the door swhooshed shut behind you. Banging on the door with your fists you screamed "What you scared of a harmless little pilot? Why did it need two of you? Fucking pussys! One on one fair fight I will fucking destroy you that's a god damn promise "

You turned around to face the cell slaming your fists backwards into the solid door. Hurting more than you expected you muttered to yourself "fucking ow" running your now tender hands together. Scanning the cell you couldn't see a god damn thing, it was pitch black. You slumped to the floor and wrapped your arms round your legs.

A male voice piped up from a dark corner "Y/N?! Is that you?"

"Yeah who the fuck wants to know?"

"It's Poe. I thought I recognised the soft voice uttering such profanities." he sounded amused.

"What can I say it's a bad fucking habit from hanging around with bad fucking mouthed pilots like you." You replied light heartedly with a smile on your face in the dark.

Poe moved closed to you in the dark you felt a hand on your thigh as he sat down beside you on the cold metallic floor 

"Paws off the merchandise Dameron." The hand swiftly retracted.

"Sorry! I was aiming for a shoulder. It's nice to hear a familiar voice I recognise."

Despite your defiant front you were actually terrified. You weren't exactly a fan of the dark and especially not when it was on a First Order ship. 

"Poe...I'm fucking pissing my panties here." You admitted to the darkness. 

Poe felt your body up and down until he found your shoulder for real this time. You felt the warmth of his hand going through your jumpsuit. He hadn't touched you before today but it didn't feel awkward like it should. His warmth suddenly seemed inviting. Tears started streaming down your face.

"Hey YN. Don't cry. It's dark I know, you know I'm scared to?" He instantly felt the need to comfort you. He was surprised by the over whelming feeling. Poe after all hadn't known you that long and only in a casual mannor on the base. He felt his chest tighten at the sounds of your sobs.

He felt in the dark with both hands pulling you towards his chest in a tight embrace. The tears flowed faster now in the comfort of his arms. You could feel his heartbeat hammering in your ear as you collapsed into him letting him support your upper body.

"I'm scared of everything but you right now Poe. What is going to happen to us. Most resistance members who get caught don't come back. They never fucking come back."

He stroked your hair. Softly saying to you "Don't worry we will figure this out. I always do don't I? I always come back from my missions to keep flying another day." The mixture of his voice and the soft fingers running across your scalp sent shivers down your spine. Pleasurable tingles as it had the calming affect on you Poe desired affect. 

"Poe, I'm glad you are here. I mean I'm not glad you were captured but...you know what I mean."

Poe let out a laugh " Oh I get it. If you suffer I have to suffer to, that how it works now? Yeah seems fair."

Poe could feel you were cold. He pushed you off him momentarily to take his jacket off. He fumbled in the dark finding your body to drape it over your shoulders. "That better Y/N?" It was the single nicest thing anyone had ever done for you. You felt suddenly embarrassed about weeping into his arms so shamelessly. 

"Yeah thanks I didn't even realise I was shivering. To busy being a fucking pathetic idiot in the arms of someone I hardly know".

Before you knew what was happening you felt the rush of lips on your lips. A hand went up to the back of your head pulling you in deeper. It took you by such shock you didn't pull away nor did you reciprocate. Poe quickly pulled away taking the lack of reciprocation as a bad sign.

"Wow sorry Y/N if I totally misjudged the situation. I must of read into a tense situation to much."

"Fucking shut up and kiss me again Dameron, you took me by surprise that's all."

The soft inviting lips of Poe Dameron once again met with yours. This time you kissed him back. He was gentle and tender with you appearing somewhat cautious now. You felt hunger for him rise in your stomach and chest. A  wave of need you didn't even know was there. Your body suddenly felt hot and ached for him. You let the primal lust take over as you increased the speed of the kiss. His hand once again came up to your head pulling you in forcefully. You felt the thoughts melt from your brain. Your mind lost completely in the moment. Fuck he was a good kisser. His tongue danced with yours as they found a rhythm that suited both of you. You ran your fingers over his shoulders and back pulling his body into yours. Every inch of your torso was touching his front now pressing in hungry for more of his warm touch on you. The lust in your stomach intensified. Damn this felt so good and this was hardly even foreplay! 

A familiar swoosh noice made you jump apart from each other in surprise. Stood in front of you was Finn and Rey.

Rey smiled at you. "We're here to rescue you! Hurry the patrol will be coming along any minute."

They never did ask why you were wearing Poe's jacket. Or why your hair looked like it was dragged through a bush backward. Or why Poe was red faced and breathless. For once he had been the one cursing as the door opened wide.

The general however was a little more observant and noticed the glances between you two during the debriefing. She smiled to her self. The thug had found their lady.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question is ...which one of you is the thug? And which one the lady?


	3. Everybody leaves so why wouldn't you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my first wife.  
> Everybody leaves and I'd expect as much from you.  
> I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life.  
> Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn't you?"
> 
> The gaslight anthem - great expectations
> 
> Poe is still haunted by dreams of a past love and is always the big spoon at night pulling you in tight. reader is female in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of death but nothing too dramatic.

The minute your x wing landed you couldn't wait to climb into bed. The warm sheets and soft mattress calling to your heavy body. Your eyes aching and twitching with stress and fatigue. Dark circles and bloodshot eyes. Every movement seemed to require concentration and effort. You had been gone 3 days but if felt like 3 months with the intensity of your mission and sleep deprivation. It had been a success though much to your superiors pleasure. 

On the walk to your shared quarters your apologized as you nearly walked into people and stumbled into a wall more than once. You were to tired to feel embarrassment. Your mind focused on bed and the man who waited for you  there. Poe Dameron, the most daring and skilled pilot the resistance had to offer. You were proud that you were in a relationship with this man and he stood by _your_. He was a beacon of hope. His passion for flying extended to his personal life. He loved to love and when he fell he would fall hard. He would treat a women like a queen and insist it is was still not enough.

 

As you entered the room light shine in but the door closing soon turned it to pitch black. Not wanting to bother him you knew they lay out of the room and felt your way in the dark. A trail of clothes marked where you entered to where you reached the bed. To exhausted for pajamas you slid under the sheets nude on your side of the bed. Even when the other was a way it felt rude to not keep to your own side. An unspoken rule of you and Poe. The pillow and sheets felt cool to your skin so you cuddled into Poe stealing his sleepy warmth. Your heart surged with calm contentment at being back in your rightful place. This here was where you belonged. This spot at this point in time was exactly where you were supposed to be. You felt yourself slowy drift off with a smile on your face.

A noise woke you up from your peaceful slumber. It was Poe. Still asleep mumbling in his sleep. You wondered if to wake up but thought best not. Laying your head back down clodinh your eyes to drift back off. A minute later jolted back to reality by more noises. A muffled "no" was practically shouted from the man you loved next to you. He tossed and turned in his sleep. You weren't exactly shocked by this behavior it wasn't the first time. Every so often he would have vivid dreams but could never remember the details the next day.

Once more and you laid your head to rest to only be jolted awake. This time Poe was bolt upright in bed. If the light had been in you would of seen panic on his face. He was calling out and fumbling as if searching for someone in the bed. You placed a hand on his warm shoulder and gently said "Poe. Poe. Wake up." You were met with no response.

A firmer grip and a louder "POE! It's a dream!" Snapped him out of his unconscious state.

He sounded out of breath as his chest heaved up and down. As he spoke he sounded vulnerable with a slight little stammer to his words. "I'm s-sorry Y/N I-I didn't know you were back. I missed you."

 Poe placed his arms around you and pulled you in tight. He kissed your forehead lovingly. "I can never relax until your back in one piece by my side." He continued.

You laughed at his admission "Hey it is you that gets sent of all the dangerous missions not me. I should be the one worrying about YOU if anything."

His body language changed. You felt Poe stiffen up and become tense as he let go of you. The most serious tone you had ever heard him use answered back to you. "You would worry too in my shoes." 

"What do you mean Poe? You know the risks as well as I do but this was a safe, easy mission."

"Y/N, they can be the most dangerous of all still."

"What are you on about, I'm back in one piece aren't I?" You were tired. His concern was touching but exhaustion turned your ton slightly argumentative.

"You don't understand. Let me explain. I have a confession to make." He lent over switching on a small light by the bed. "There is something I haven't told you."

It was your turn to stiffen up now. What did Poe mean?! The small light made him look emotionally drained. Bags under his eyes and strong muscular shoulders hunched forward.

"OK Dameron I'm listening." 

Worst case scenarios popped into your mind. What if he cheated on you while you were gone?! Your heart beat with anxiety. He sounded so serious.

"Well....how do I put this....I'm married. I mean I was but technically not now."

Your heart skipped a beat. Poe married. Your Poe married, to another girl. You didn't say anything trying to make sense of the words you just heard.

Poe continued almost sensing your confusion "I WAS married but er, how do I put this? She um died. This was 5 years ago, before I even met you. When you are not here I have twisted dreams. Some simply replay what happened. Others I can see her face then it morphs into yours and it's like I have lost both of you at once. My brain comes up with scenarios and tries to convince itself they are real. I only have these vivid dreams when you are gone and I can't keep you safe"

Your eyes and mouth opened wider at the news. You had heard rumours of an ex breaking his heart, the reason he stayed single so long before you, but you assumed she had just broken up with him. You placed a hand lovingly on his shoulder and squeezed gently as a sign of support. He seemed so open and bare. Vulnerable and raw. His eye eyes looked at you trying to read your face to gauge a response. Surprise left your face blank, devoid of any readable emotions. It all started to make sense now, his concern, his worry, him checking up on you and any ship you were going to fly or travel in. It must be gut wrenching having such uncontrollable dreams when al you want to do is sleep and rest at night. Your heart sunk as you began to imagine what the last 3 days must of been like for him.

Without even thinking about it you leant in and kissed his soft lips. No tongues made an appearance as you slowly moved your lips as his began to join in the dance. A sensual soft yet still passionate kiss. Still lips locked together you swung your leg over his lap to straddle him. Both your chests moved up and down faster and faster as the kiss gained memento and strength. Your hands running through his brown hair  already messy from sleep releasing the sweet aroma of Poe's distinctive smell. You let the smell and sensation take over your weary mind hoping he was doing the same. You felt his hands squeeze your hips as you started to move up and down while still straddled. The kiss taking over both of your entire bodies you felt desperate to feel his body against you. His strong chest against yours heaving up and down breathless against your nude chest. Poe's hands being even more forceful on your hips grinding you into his lap. Heat started to form in your lower region as the sensation stimulated your clit with each grind and thrust. Eager for this sensation you felt a warm, pool of moisture leave your body and soak up on Poes boxers. 

Slightly embarrassed at the wetness you had transferred onto him you pulled away from the kiss. His dead wife you knew nothing about being revealed to you by a emotionally drained was not the time to lust for him.

"I'm here safe and sound Poe. Nothing happened to me. You can rest now. You look exhausted and I know I am lets sleep and you can tell me if you wish more tomorrow."

As you rolled off of him he just nodded not saying a word. He seemed almost relived you had taken control and given him permission to rest from the worry that had made him so weary.  Turning off the light you pulled the covers up over the both of you then cuddled into Him. Your back nestled into his chest, ass pushed into his groin. You could feel his member hard against you, nice to know he enjoyed the kiss as much as you. A strong arm came across you pulling you in as tight as he could as if scared to let you go for even a second. As if you might somehow slip away from him. Holding you close and secure, you both drifted off into the best sleep either of you had had in the three days since you had left. Poe could relax knowing you were back where you belonged by his side.

 

He was always the protective big spoon and now you knew why. 


	4. Wrecking hotel rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you hold the phone when you're alone  
> Imagine that it rings then hold it to your ear  
> And wish that I was there to sing you off to sleep  
> Be with you in your dreams for the days I will be gone  
> I'll be there in your dreams and in this song  
> I'll be there in your dreams and in this song"
> 
> Mxpx - wrecking hotel rooms
> 
> Poe is leaving the reader (gender neutral)to go on a mission. The reader is going to miss him signing them to sleep.

Both you and your boyfriend Poe Dameron were exhausted when you rolled into your shared room that evening. It had been a busy day on base for everyone as it was most days. Being in a resistance against something as large and organised as the First Order was not easy work. 

Poe stripped off his overalls revealing a black tank top and black boxers. To lazy to tidy up he pulled these off and threw them in a heap on the floor. Before you could even tell him off or give him a look he defended himself. 

"I'll pick them up in morning I promise!"

"I am to tired to care tonight Poe. I'll be house proud tomorrow. Can we just shower and bed please?" You replied as you started to strip off your own clothes tossing them on the pile on top of Poe's. 

"It will save time if we shower together." Poe grinned at you with his cheeky 'I'm going to get my way' look. 

Looking as good as he did stood before you how could you say no? His hair messy around his head and face. A smear of grease or engine oil on his cheek that made dirty look oh so sexy. Stubble that could of done with a shave but you secretly loved how unkept and masculine it looked on Poe. His soft kissable lips and gorgeous brown eyes that made you melt. Your eyes trailed down to his body. He had been working out and it showed. Defined muscles that you loved to run your hands over. If only you weren't so damn tired or you would eagerly have pounced on him right there and then in the middle of the room. 

"Under one condition! You have to wash my back." You grinned back at him.

He turned and walked into the bathroom. You followed him watching his cute ass on the way in. As he turned on the water he made sure the temperature was up quite high. You both stepped in not saying much as so weary. It didn't take long for the room to fill with steam. The water felt amazing as it hit your tired body. The heat helping relieve aching over worked muscles. You closed your eyes letting it run over your head and back. 

Grabbing the shower gel you thrusted it into Poe's hand. You looked at him and smiled without even saying a word then turned around to give him access to your back. Poe squired it into his hand then placed the bottle down. The relaxing lavender smell hit your senses instantly helping to relax you. Poe's strong hands started on your neck and shoulders. They expertly worked over you moving down your spine. Thumbs digging in all the right places. His hands went round to the front of you over your chest then down between your legs.

"Oi cheeky! Not what I had in mind. Thank you Poe that felt amazing. Switch and I'll do you."

It wasn't a big area so as he squeezed past you, you felt his entire body brush against yours. You stopped him mid position switch. His pelvis pressed into yours. Your hands went to his face as you looked him in the eyes. He gently pressed his lips against yours into a chaste yet loving peck.

As you pulled away smiling you looked him dead in the eye and whispered "I love you."

"I love you too Y/N. More than you can know." Poe whispered back. "But there is something I have to tell you. The Generals sending me away on a mission again.it will only be a couple days if it all goes to plan."

You felt a weight in the pit of your stomach suddenly. Your chest felt tight. Poe had only just come back to you it felt. You knew this was part of the deal of being in the resistance but it didn't make it easier to handle.

Silently you moved out of the way so Poe could get under the flow of the running warm water. You grabbed the shower gel. Squirted it into the palm of your hand and washed Poe's strong, muscular back for him. You didn't say a word. You just focused on the feel of his warm skin on yours. Focused on the way the water ran over his tanned body adding a sexy sheen to him. You committed to memory every detail. Paranoia telling you "what if this is the last time". 

When you were done you climbed out and grabbed a fresh fluffy towel. Poe rinsed the soap off, switched off the water and joined you drying yourself. Still not saying a word you made your way to the main room of your quarters where your bed was. Not bothering to get dressed you slipped yourself beneath the cool cotton bedding. Your tired body felt heavy and sank into the mattress. 

"Talk to me Y/N" Poe said as he climbed into bed next to you. He propped himself up on one elbow so he could look down at your face. 

"I'm scared Poe. Every time you go away it scares me. I know we signed up for this so I can't really complain. It is what it is. But while you are off I spend every day on base waiting for any kind of update - good or bad. Just anything about you and how you are. One day it's going to be news I won't be glad to hear and nothing can prepare me for when that day comes." 

Poe's free hand stroking over your face, light finger tips brushing over you sensually. Tracing your chin and jaw. Down your nose. Over your lips. It sent relaxing tingles down your spine. 

"It's an easy mission. I'll be back before you know it. I could do this one blind folded it's that simple." Poe reassured you. If it was anyone else you would consider it cocky and arrogant. 

"When I'm gone just picture my voice in your mind. As long as you remember me like that you will never be alone. I will always be with you in your heart and in your dreams. Dream of me when you can't sleep in my absence and feel my love for you. Just because I'm separated from you by the distance of space, doesn't mean you aren't with me also. We will always be together you and me. Forever and always." 

You made a pretend wretching noise as you feigned sticking fingers down your throat. "When did you get romantic Poe Dameron." 

Poe started humming to you as he continued to run his fingers over your face but worked to include your neck and collar bones as well. You knew the tune as a childhood lullaby Poe admitted his mother sung to him growing up. He was an excellent singer but Poe didn't open up to people about this talent. 

You fell asleep to the relaxing tune and sensations without even being aware you were drifting off. A deep instant sleep. This has been Poe's desired effect, it always worked when you were stressed or worried. He knew you so well. 

You woke up early in the morning to find Poe's side of the bed empty. The lullaby from the previous night still ringing in your ears and mind. Committed to memory where it will forever stay to be played in your mind when ever he goes away. 


	5. All of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause all of me  
> Loves all of you  
> Love your curves and all your edges  
> All your perfect imperfections  
> Give your all to me  
> I'll give my all to you  
> You're my end and my beginning  
> Even when I lose I'm winning  
> 'Cause I give you all of me  
> And you give me all of you, oh oh
> 
> How many times do I have to tell you  
> Even when you're crying you're beautiful too  
> The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
> You're my downfall, you're my muse  
> My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
> I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you"
> 
> John Legend - All of me
> 
> As a new mother you are feeling self conscious of your new body. Poe loves you still and loves how you created life with him.

You stood under the running hot water of the shower with your eyes closed. You didn't move or anything. Just enjoyed the sensation of the relaxing heat and water over you. It washed away the "grimy" feeling of the day. It soothed your stressed mind and fatigued, exhausted body. You felt like you could spend the rest of your days taking refuge in the peace of a hot shower. You had no idea how long you had been, in reality it probably had only been a few minutes but you needed it. You needed that time to gather yourself. However you didn't want to push your luck. Turning off the water you reluctantly stepped out grabbing a fluffy towel. 

As you were drying off you heard a knock at the door followed by the handle turning, before you could stop him Poe walked in the bathroom.

"No! Poe don't just walk in it's rude." You scolded him. You knew slightly hormones were playing a part.

"Oh jeez Y/N. I've seen you naked how many times now. Just a few days ago I watched you push a baby out. Also, how do you think we made said baby? By holding hands?" Poe had a smirk on his face thinking he was hilarious.

"Oh ha ha. Funny man." If looks could kill right now there would be a hole straight through the middle of Poe's head. "I just...I dunno. I just don't want you seeing me right now."

"And why is that Y/N?" Poe really was pushing your tired hormonal limits.

"Men can be so thick sometimes. Learn when to shut up." You thought to yourself. 

You wrapped the towel tightly around yoursel. You held it securely with both hands as if it was a shield you were scared to drop and reveal yourself. You knew your body had changed and needed a bit more time to accept it and let it all calm down. Your breasts were engorged and leaking, as your milk had come in. Angry stretch marks could be found in various places. You knew they would fade but for  now they striped your body red and purple. Although you had birthed a baby, your stomach was still slightly distended and the skin looser. It needed time yet to go down after being stretched. The painful after pains of your cervix contracting smaller again served as a reminder that it was still such early days. Your hips (and you swore your shoulders!) were winder. Dispite being active in pregnancy you were sure you had put on a layer of fat all over. 

You didn't want to admit to Poe your embarrassment and insecurities. You felt by pointing it out it would highlight the issues to him, making it worse. Like if you kept him oblivious he wouldn't be disgusted by your body.

"I just don't want you seeing me Poe." Your voice started to waiver as your lip trembled. "I look awful."

You broke down sobbing. Hot salty tears instantly streaked your face. You were in a delicate hormonal state of constantly being on the verge of crying easily being set off.

"Oh your Y/N. Don't say that."

Poe came up you and wrapped his arms around you. With a hand on the back your neck and the other on small of your back he pulled you into the embrace. Your head and face buried into his shoulder as the tears kept falling. You could smell his personal scent on him. You inhaled deeply taking in the comforting aroma and the sense of familiar comfort it brought.

"But it's true though Poe. I don't like what I see."

Poe gently pulled you free so he could look into your face. In a loving and tender gesture he cupped your face in his hands. He wipped tears away with his thumbs before leaning in and planting a gentle kiss on your lips. If a gesture could scream "I love you" this would be it. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful to me. You always were, always are and will always be my beautiful Y/N."

Poe started kissing your lips and your cheeks. He made his way down to your neck while still keeping you close. You tilted your neck to the side to allow him access to your sensitive skin. Poe knew you loved being kissed there so littered your soft flesh with them.

In between the delicate kisses he continued taking.

"Every...little... curve...and...every....little...edge....of...you...is... perfect....don't....doubt.... that...for....one....minute."

He stopped and looked at you in the eyes. 

"I love all of you with every fibre of my being. You are my everything. When we decide to have a child I knew you were giving yourself entirely to me, to us. Unfortunately I can't carry the next one but I will be there for you and give you my whole. Every little stage of parent hood we will be in together. Our flesh and blood bound together." He said. The tone of voice was serious as if to impress upon you just how serious he was. 

Poe's sweet words brought fresh tears to your face.

"God Poe I'm sorry. I'm a mess I know. I love you so much. I really need you right now."

With that he brought you in to a tight hug again, letting your tears streak his clothes. He stroked your wet hair in a comforting mannor. 

"You did so well Y/N. You brought our precious child into the world. You did all of that. You don't need me and are stronger than you think."

As if on cue a faint a faint cry came from the other room. The distinct cry of a newborn baby.

"I'll go see to *baby's name* while you finish getting dressed." Poe gave you a kiss on the forehead, smiled at you then left the bathroom shutting the door on the way out.

You quickly got dressed hearing the cries intensify from the other side of the door. Baby was hungry and daddy just wasn't cutting it.

You stood with the door handle in your hand. You took a deep breath as you pressed down the cold metal and opened the door. Ready to face the reality of being a new parent again. You had Poe and his love by your side though, maybe just maybe you could do this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normal hate reading stories like this. Not my cup of tea yet some reason the mood struck me.  
> Pregnancy and childbirth birth changes a women physically so much, for some women looking pre pregnancy is never going to happen. Things you don't even realise might change do!


	6. Heartache and war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for loving me when I still tasted of heartache and war.  
> \- Nikita Gill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a short one

As you spotted him in the hanger bay safe and sound back in the rebel base, you ran to him at full speed. You connected with him causing him to stumble back slightly. You didn't say anything just kissed him deeply. You were both a tangle of post battle blood, sweat and tears. Tears streamed down your face. Both of you could taste them in the kiss. You smelt of war.   
"Are you hurt?" Poe questioned while eyeing the shocking amount of blood splattering your orange flight suite.  
Fresh tears streamed down your face "It's not mine Poe. It's everyone else's but not mine"  
He kissed your forehead and held you close as you sobbed your pain out.

"It's ok Y/N. You are ok Y/N." Poe reassured you as you felt the adrenaline leaving your system. You were crashing back down to reality from fight or flight mode. He was going to catch you.


	7. You didn't feel a thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alone in a dream,  
> Alone wide awake.  
> Awoken by screams,  
> But slept through the earthquake.  
> I found you outside,  
> Face down in the rain.  
> You told me you'd fallen,  
> But you didn't feel a thing.  
> But you didn't feel a thing.  
> But you didn't feel a thing. "
> 
> Matt Skiba - you didn't feel a thing
> 
> Poe is awoken to find the base under attack and finds and very hurt gender neutral reader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewatched force awakens and am madly in love with Poe again!

Poe was dreaming of a beach. A beautiful white sandy beach with clear blue water, a tropical paradise. A rumble filled the air of the beach as he waded into the crystal clear waters. Poe didn't notice until a second, then a third loud rumble rang out. He realised it sounded out of place for the beach and started to stir from his sleepy haze. Rolling over in the bed he tried to fall back into the dream while still in the in-between stages of the dream world and his reality.

A fith rumble rang out, louder and closer than the previous noises. Poe felt his bed vibrate causing him to snap out of it and instinctively bolt up right in the bed. Opening his eyes he found himself in his familiar surroundings of his quarters. He definitely was not dreaming, something was going on. 

A klaxon rang out through speakers defening loud but grabbing the attention of the entire base as intended. 

"Shit." Poe grumbled as he rushed grabbing his trousers and jacket throwing them on.

The sounds of shouts and people running came through his door from the hallway. Opening his door he was greeted with panic stricken faces racing to their designated panic stations as more rumbles shook the base. Dust filled the air as cracks appeared in the walls and ceilings causing him to cough as he inhaled the particles.

Poe had to get to the main command room to assertain what the hell was going on and what the plan of action was. He was a pilot though, Poe guessed what his orders would be and decided to head straight to the x wings first. As he made his way there he was practically tripping over people crowding the passages, each person he passed fitting your build he scanned in the hopes of finding you in this emergency. His heart started racing with each false alarm, thinking he had spotted you to grab an arm then mutter apologies as near strangers turned to face him instead.

 Poe reached the landing strip as an explosion hit the base not far from him. Poe instinctively ducked as it made contact causing fire and rubble to be expelled across the tarmac. Around him bodies rushed on autopilot into orange suites climbing into cockpits ready to take flight. It was hard for his eyes to take in the sights surrounding him a mass of movement and smoke with his ears ringing. Poe didn't even notice that it had begun to rain as raindrops rolled down his face and driped off of his jacket. Poe was focused on his goal, finding you. His heartbeat became faster and faster as adrenaline coursed through his veins setting his body on edge. Fight or flight mode and he was preparing to fight.

Looking over to the direction of a medical team he spotted several bodies laying on the floor next to a burnt out x wing. Fear took him over. That was your x wing. Racing over he forgot to breath in anticipation of what he might find.

His hands rudely pushed people aside but Poe was too focused to see them as anything more than obstacles in the moment. He stopped dead gasping for breath remembering to breath as his eyes sent the signals to his brain of the vision before him.

Poe sunk to his knees kneeling in a pool of blood mingled with rain water. Your blood. Poe placed a hand under your head lifting it up slightly. Your skin tone had become dull and pale. Your eyes snapped open at the sensation of moving.

"Poe." You whispered and faintly smiled to weak to respond.

Your arm weakly reached up to touch his face, leaving behind haunting scarlet prints.

 "It's OK Y/N. I'm here. It's all going to be OK." Poe repeated this unsure who he was attempting to reassure, himself or you.

His eyes scanned your body looking for injury. Your other hand clutched at the rapidly bleeding stomach wound that had created a gushing hole in your torso. A medical personal administered a pain relieving injection into your neck while shaking their head at the other medical staff. It was a universal signal. They scattered to attend the next injuried party taking priority leaving you now cradled in Poe's arms.

Poe gentle rocked you in one arm while stroking your face tenderly with the other. Time seemed to slow down in a bubble around the two of you. Your own little world unaffected by the chaos surrounding you. Poe was utterly lost in the moment while you were just becoming lost.

Your body became heavier and heavier as your brain became cloudier. You found your eye sight starting to go as your senses dullened. You tried to focus of Poe's face above you. The face of love. The face of warmth and light.

"Poe. I fell Poe. I fell and I'm still falling. I, I, I can't get up." You struggled to get out the words.

"Shh. Then don't, just lay and rest. I got ya. I'm not leaving you I'm here for you. I'm always here for you. I love you so much Y/N." Poe found himself babbling wanting to say everything yet nothing final all at once.

"From the moment I saw you I loved you Poe. I'm so sleepy now though Poe." You mumbled, eyes becoming yet heavier. You knew what was happening.

"Hey , hey. Stay with me Y/N. Talk to me!" Panic filled his voice. "Does it hurt anywhere?"

"No," you mumbled. "I don't feel a thing. It's peaceful."

"Good good. I love you so much. Know that. I got here as fast as I could. I wanted to be by your side."

Poe watched as your eyes closed and didn't reopen this time. He pulled you in tight in a cradled embrace. His head bowed down to meet yours as he kissed your forehead. In that embrace he could feel your breathing slow. He hummed to you as he held you tight never wanting to let go. Poe wasn't sure if it was minutes, seconds or an entire eternity passed in this position in the pouring rain. He was in a state of disbelief part of him aware he should be in his x wing taking the fight to the enemy but he had to be here. He knew you would be telling him off if able to. Saying not to fuss and go kick some ass.

Memories flooded through Poe's mind. The first time you met. The awkward crush stage unsure if feelings were mutual. First kiss. First fuck. First I love you. You had been his entire world and his future. Now without warning you were being ripped away from him.

A tear flowed down Poe's face mingled with rain. It was then that he felt it. In his arms he felt you take your last shallow breath your chest failing to rise again. Poe felt you become limp in his arms. Gently he untangled his arms from around you and gently placed you down on to the tarmac. Quickly without thought he removed his jacket and placed it under your head. It looked wrong you just being left there, alone. As if you were asleep ready to wake any second. From his left hand he removed a ring from his finger and placed it in the palm of your hand. Poe curled your fingers over it.

One final kiss to your pale, cold lips and Poe stood up. He allowed himself this last glance but he knew he had to take himself away or he would never leave your side. His heart was being ripped apart but there would be time to grief later assuming he survived this battle himself.

As he boared his ship part of him hoped he was going to go and seek revenge then find you amongst the stars. He was going to see you again, maybe not in this life time but the next could come sooner than anticipated. Poe embraced his fate arms wide open with the hope of your smile and shining eyes greeting him on the other side. Nothing was more dangerous to enemies than a man who welcomed death.

 


	8. I'd break in two over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'd break in two over you  
> I'd break in two  
> and each piece of me dies  
> and only you can give the breath of life!  
> But you don't see me. You don't. 
> 
> Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,  
> bleached and blinded by these nights.  
> Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn  
> by you, visions of you, then you're gone.  
> The shock bleeds the red from my face,  
> when i hear someone's taken my place.  
> How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?  
> When all, all that i did was for you..."
> 
> From autumn to ashes - autumns monologue

Visions danced across your eyelids.  Fleeting glimpses that were gone before you could comprehend, process and interact with. Like the coming and going of a tide, some waves would wash over you gently while others surged threatening to drawn you.  When you had dreams such as this you welcomed the pull tugging you deeper beneath the surface. Your unconscious dreaming brain created new realities and fantasy scenarios that gave you everything you craved.  Nights like this you prefer the dreamscape to cold, real life. On occasion you went to bed early to welcome imaginative fantasies. But tonight your brain would not let you get lost in a comfortable happy dream.  Instead insecurities and anxious thoughts would morph it into nightmarish scenarios. Nights like these left you more exhausted than when you had gone to bed. You would wake up rubbing your eyes shocked when morning came as fatigue and the lingering thoughts clouded your brain. Nights such as that seemed to be happening more and more, tossing and turning until dawn. Sometimes you would beg your brain to switch off and enjoy some rest. You had to concentrate in your role on the resistance base.  Lives sometimes literally depended on it. 

The route of all your sleepless nights?  Your overwhelming infatuation with the one and only Poe Dameron. Just saying his name in your mind would cause your heart to flutter. You were head over heels. The type of crush you assumed only 14 year old girls capable of.  Yet here you were, a trained and competent member of the resistance obsessed. You knew you had a role to carry out and had to focus. Try as you might you could not reel your brain in under control.  

Your crush had been building and building. It was mounting into a source of heavy chest and tight knots in the stomach level of anxiety. You were in so deep it was starting to hurt. Hurt your pride, your brain, your ego and your soul. It was not enjoyable anymore as you ached and longed for that which you did not have. 

It's not like you were close to the guy.  Sure, you had held professional conversations, but never once spoke as friends. Not that Poe wasn't friendly and charming, the situation had never arisen. Poe was often busy and focused on the resistance. Being a pilot wasn't just his job role, it was in his blood. It was part of who he was. Everyone knew who he was. Poe was always tied up in conversation when you spotted him around. This only worked to build him up in your mind further. 

You went about your day focusing on your job (well, as much a you could.) You didn't have many friends and didn't really date. Given your history with the first order you threw yourself into the resistance. Enough bad deeds had been allowed to take place and if that meant your life went on hold, so be it. Sacrifices had to be made for the greater good. You admired Poe for seemingly holding the same values. 

It had not escaped your attention his lack of long term relationship. This left him almost attainable in the inner workings of your mind, allowing yourself your fantasies knowing they might not be completely impossible. You would sometimes engineer scenarios where you would be in the same room.  Like checking the canteen to catch him eating. You would tell yourself off for it later. Following him around like a puppy was pathetic. A big part of you knew this was a fantasy and that's all it would ever be. Then that cheeky smirk would pull you in again.  Realistically hd had never given you any reason to think it was a two way street. Your brief dealings with him you could of been almost anybody. Poe Dameron just didn't see you.  You were nothing, not important, a faceless team member. 

You woke up telling yourself this after your awful night sleep for third day in a row. Pulling on clothes you focused on your perceived faults in the mirror.  Heading to the canteen for breakfast your head hung low avoiding eye contact.  You took a tray and lined up along side everyone else. Scanning the room it was then you spotted him. Poe. 

Your heart beat faster as you caught a glimpse of him sat eating. God he seemed more handsome by the day. You thrived on these glimpses and were what you looked forward to. He had not long been back from a mission so you made up for lost time drinking him in. Committing to memory every smile, every frown. 

Taking your food you strategically sat away from him but in view still. As usual you sat by yourself and ate in silence as you were accustomed to. That's when you saw her. Your face went pale. Your hands clammy. You had no idea who she was. A new recruit perhaps? She was slender and graceful looking. Hair up out of the way.  Pretty in kinda a plain way.  Whoever she was,  her and Poe were friendly!  She sat down next to him and chatted away.  You tried your best to not be obviously staring at them, but your eyes almost popped out of your head when you touched her.  Poe placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly. Your heart started pumping faster you could hear it pounding in your ears. Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach and were no longer hungry.  You couldn't sit back and watch this anymore.  Quickly you got up and headed to the bin with your tray.  As you shook it clattered in your hand. Just after you passed Poe and the mystery girl you lost control and dropped the tray. The metallic clang rang out louder to you than it was in reality. Your cheeks burnt red as you hastily picked up the plates and cutlery. 

Footsteps came up behind you.

"Here let me help." A familiar voice spoke out. 

Before you could protest strong hands finished tidying up your mess and stood up, passing the try back to you. Poe Dameron just helped you pick up your mess. This didn't feel real.  Your mouth went dry,  your mind blank. 

"Thank you." You muttered embarrassed. 

"That's okay Y/N. You feeling okay? You don't look so hot. I can get your shift covered."

He knew your name. Poe fucking Dameron knew your name.  Rush of adrenalin surged through you excited at this development. 

"I'm fine just didn't sleep well is all, I better get to my shift. Thanks again." The memory of the brunette he was with caused your excitement to fall. You hurriedly walked off trying your hardest not to look back. 

The sight of Poe with a women stabbed you right in the core.  Like a knife to the heart being twisted.  Tears pricked your eyes threatening to spill. How could love be so cruel making you break in two for a guy that had never been yours in the first place. 

 


	9. I'd break in two over you (part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You might be just what I need  
> No I would not change a thing  
> Been dreaming of this so long  
> But we only exist in this song  
> The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow  
> And if you come and meet me tomorrow  
> I will hold you down, fold you in  
> Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live  
> I break in two over you  
> I break in two  
> And if a piece of you dies  
> Autumn, I will bring you back to life  
> Of course I see you  
> I do."
> 
> From Autumn to ashes - the fiction we live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please listen to the two songs from this and and previous chaIpter! Been listening to them for over 12 years now and they are beautiful. Also I feel old as fuck now.

Your body screamed with exhaustion while your brain swam with thoughts. Muscles heavy and eyes burning yet brain thumping. Fatigue stopping you from following one train of thought, instead your conscious jumping from stream of ideas to the next. Never fully exploring where your thoughts were leading so thinking of everything yet nothing all at once. It was frustrating and exhausting.The more you tried to calm the internal chatter the wider awake you become it seemed endless the racing thoughts. Desperate for something to calm you, you tried every sleeping position. Socks came off and pillows flipped. Not even the cold side of the pillow was helping you now. The only positive about all of this was the fact you were not on shift the next day. Functioning on little sleep had become the norm but this was getting ridiculous now. The pressure began building in your head further it felt like you were going to explode or start screaming.

That was enough, you admitted defeat. Swinging your legs round you huffed angrily at the situation. To tired to sleep. Absolutely ridiculous reason to be getting back up. Shoving socks and shoes on you smoothed your hair down then headed out the door. Your sleep wear of jogging bottoms and sweatshirt were casual but step up from pyjamas so in your eyes acceptable to be heading out in. Although what did it even matter. Who were you even trying to impress.

As you navigated the corridors there were still people up and about but it was quieter than usual. The resistance never slept. Always work to be done so shifts were taken to ensure you were never caught unawares even during the dead of night. You weren't even sure where you intended on going at first. Your feet guided you to the canteen in search of a nice calming cup of tea.

Even in the canteen still food and drink being offered for the various shifts beginning and ending. A nice hot cup of soothing tea was poured especially for you. Unsure what it was called it was fragrant and tasted nice anyway. Sitting down in the near empty seating area you had your back to the door.

Sat with your sweatshirt pulled down over your hands and slumped forward it appeared like you were trying to become small, and unnoticeable. Outward representation of your current mental state. Stirring the hot liquid in the cup you watched the storm it created. It was hypnotic watching it settle to your exhausted brain. So you stirred it again sluggishly spoon in hand getting lost in a daze.

A hand appeared on your shoulder out of no where ripping you out of your calm state. You literally jumped slightly by the unexpected feeling of it clamping down. 

"Fuck!" you shouted in confusion and surprise.

"Hey sorry didn't mean to make you jump. Late to be up isn't it?" A figure confidently slid themselves into a chair across from you.

Who the hell would be sitting next to you at this time of night. You were sure the few friends you had were asleep. Poe fucking Dameron. That was who. And to top it off you looked like shit which was just typical wasn't it.

Poe Dameron sat opposite you in all his glory. He ran a hand through his hair and he smiled at you awaiting a response. He was met with you slack jawed and wide eyed in a dazed confusion. Reality hit you and you snapped out of it into the present moment.

"S..s..sorry. I'm still half asleep. You made me jump." Polite but shy smile came across your lips as you looked at the handsome face before you. His eyes made eye contact with yours. It was so intense and surreal you felt you could burst.

"Ah I'm sorry Y/N. Not my intention but I can go if you like." Poe replied.

"No!" You replied a little to fast and a little to quickly. "Stay. I just couldn't sleep so found my self here getting a drink. Didn't realise you knew my name Poe."

"Well Y/N. You know mine don't you?"

"Yeah but everyone on this base knows who you are Poe. I'm just well, not such an important figure." You shrugged not meaning to sound so negative  just stating fact.

"I guess I just remembered it from our brief dealings during shifts. You know you are important Y/N. Everyone plays a role that together drives this resistance. Who are us pilots without you here at the base helping?" Poe smiled at you. "Truth is I've been meaning to say hi to you for a while. I keep seeing you about and it struck me we haven't really spoken off duty before."

"Really? Me?" 

"Yeah you Y/N. Don't be so surprised."

"I just, um, sorry not expecting this I'm half asleep and struggling to process basic conversation." You yawned through the last word of the sentence.

"Look finish your drink and I'll walk you back to your quarters. You need sleep. You didn't look great when I last saw you in here. Even Rey who doesn't know you thought you looked fatigued." Poe placed a concerned hand in yours.You felt the heat radiating from his hand on to yours. You were aware of every little millimeter of his skin connecting with yours in that moment. When he removed his hand you imagined you could still feel the touch lingering.

"Ohh so that was who the mystery lady was! I've heard murmurs of her but had yet to see her thought perhaps she was your girlfriend." You bit your tongue regretting that statement instantly.

"No, no girlfriend. Flying solo. Sorry that was not a funny joke. I'm a pilot....I'm single. Yeah you get it. What about you then?" Your turn to be grilled.

"Well, it's not really been a priority since I came here. Safe to say I'm well and truly single." 

"Not the easiest place to try and date is it? Can't always afford distractions unless well, the distractions become to big to ignore." Poe looked you dead in the eyes. What on earth did he mean by that?

"Right up you get Y/N. I'm taking you back. You need sleep as nice as it is chatting. Lead the way to your bunk." Poe stood up from the table waiting for you to follow suite.

Silently you got up not knowing how to respond. This was a lot to take in at once but you weren't about to complain.

You and Poe walked to your quarters exchanging casual conversation about your roles here on the base. Conversation flowed freely and easily between the two of you.

"Right well this is me." You stopped at a door, pressed a button which opened to reveal your living quarters. You hoped it was not to much of a mess.

"OK I'm glad your safely back now go, rest."

"Wow so bossy." You smiled at Poe hoping your jokey tone didn't fall flat. "Poe...."

"Yes?" Poe raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Um, if it's not to late I mean, would you, like to come in for a bit. I don't think I'll manage sleep yet still." You nervously chewed your lip.

"Yeah sure but only if you actually want me to don't just be polite." 

"Of course I want you to come in Poe."

Poe smiled then stepped into your quarters, as he passed you he was meer inches away from you. Your heart thudded in your chest at his close proximity. A musky aftershave scent entered your nose, a smell you committed to memory.

Poe walked towards a vase of flowers on a metal basic table. This was a practical base not luxury accommodation.

"These are pretty, unusual colours." Poe remarked as bent down to sniff the neon pink flower. He laughed as he realised his mistake. "They're fake aren't they?"

You nodded and laughed. "From my home planet. A reminder of home. As far as I know they aren't found any where else. They grow wild. Fields of them dazzling bright in the sun."

"Sounds beautiful." Poe sat himself on the edge of simple coach.

"It is. I mean it was...my planet no longer exists." You sat down next to Poe.

Poe placed a hand on your shoulder and reassuring squeezed hoping to convey the sympathy his deep eyes held on their gaze. 

"Even more beautiful then. A stunning reminder of what is gone but it won't be forgotten. Very personal question Y/N. We don't have to discuss this if you don't want to. Did you um, have family, friends there?" Poe looked kindly at you his hand still remaining on your shoulder as if to brace himself for your answer.

You paused and looked down at your hands as you gathered your thoughts that rushed to the surface. "Everyone. I lost everyone I had ever known and loved."

Without warning you burst into tears. Hot salt streams that had been waiting to escape from their place in your tearducts for weeks. Exhaustion lingering with the conversation topic breaking for your barriers.

"Oh shit Y/N. I'm so sorry. Fuck! I shouldn't have asked." Poe pulled you into his arms. Strong arms wrapped around you pressing your head into his chest. You didn't even try to pull away as the sobs escaped your lips. You surrendered yourself to the moment and his touch. You felt his warm chest rise and fall against your face.

You lost track of time as you entered a timeless state of letting go of control. Giving yourself over to the moment. It felt like an eternity but in reality it can't of been for very long. The cries started to subside as your tears started to run out.

"I'm, I'm so sorry." You stammered as you pulled out of Poe's embrace but to embarrassed to look up into gaze and make eye contact.

"No listen. My bad for asking personal questions." Poe placed a hand either side of your face gently tilting up to force you to look at him. "Look at me Y/N."

You blinked and opened your eyes staring up at him. A moment frozen before Poe dived in. Without warning his lips locked on to yours. Gentle yet firm pressed against yours. Shock rendering you still as it sinks in what is actually happening. You start to accept his unexpected kiss slowly moving your lips and allowing his tongue entry. Rhythmically your tongues and lips move in unison like a perfect fit. You didn't want it to end as you deepened the kiss further not believing this was actually happened. Finally you pulled away for air still feeling his touch lingering on your mouth.

"Poe....You don't have to out if pity...." 

"Sh! Don't say that. I wouldn't change a thing about this moment." Poe interrupted you. He lovingly pushed a strand on hair behind your ear.

"Oh Poe you have no idea how long I've been dreaming of this. I've, um, liked you for awhile. I just had no idea if you even knew who I was. I mean your YOU  everyone knows who you but who am I? I'm nobody and I've been tearing myself apart knowing you didn't give me a second glance." You admitted cringing on the inside.

"Look at me Y/N. Look at me. I'm not worth that sorrow. I'm nobody. I'm not special. I'm cocky and put myself at risk and made a name for it as daring. Of course I see you. I do. In reality I could do with someone like you. You could be just what I need. Make me face reality once and awhile." Poe pulled away from you. "I am not good for you or for anybody. If you were to be with me tomorrow I'd just pull you down. Fold you in. I'm not worth that."

"Shouldn't I decide who's good for me and who isn't?" Your tone had a slight edge of anger to it.

Poe moved closer to you again closing the distance.

"This is breaking me in two Y/N. I haven't felt like this in a very long time and good reason for that. We can't exist Y/N. You are so fucking beautiful Y/N. We can only exist in this moment we can not be a we and I'm going to kick myself for this. I really am. You don't deserve to be hurt in anyway. I can't promise I won't hurt you. In fact I guarantee I would without even trying."

Taking deep breaths you stood up and turned your back to Poe. Your hands went to your face as you processed this information. The guy you were infatuated with actually liked you but said it couldn't be. A real kick in the teeth when you were down. 

Poe stood up walking up behind you. He placed his arms around you pulling you tight. His lips pressed a kiss to the back of your head. You felt your self sink into him. How could this feel so right yet the words he spoke contradict it all? You turned around and faced him. Looking into his eyes being both pleasure and pain. You both remained in silence. Neither one of you wanting to pull away. Your hand moved up to his face stroking across his cheek. It felt like a piece of your heart was dying in that moment. Have your hopes raised to just have them dashed across the rocks.

"I've been sleep walking through this resistance for so long Poe. I'm not allowed just one thing am I? Just one moment of happiness." You let put a breath you didn't you had been holding.

"This was not my intention Y/N. I shouldn't of come back here but I couldn't stop myself. Once this is over. Once we have won we can all truly live again. Our lives won't be on pause anymore. Then I promise I will come back to this moment if you are still free and willing. We can come back to this." Poe started walking towards the door. His posture heavy.

"Poe...." He paused but didn't turn to you as you spoke. "What if a piece of me dies by then? If we ever get that sweet victory. I've lost so much already I don't know how much my heart can take."

"Then I will bring you back to life Y/N. A million times over I will bring you back to me." With that Poe walked out of your quarters leaving you alone once again with your head swimming with thoughts. Even worse than when you started yet some how more hopeful.

 

 

 

 


	10. sweets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe returns with a surpise gift.  
> Short little one shot :)

Slowly you walked from one end of the hanger to the other. The rouse was you needed a specific tool for the x wing you were repairing. Truth be told you were trying to draw your shift out for longer. You needed to get the task done before you left for the night. So you found yourself working at snails pace intentionally. No body around seemed to notice luckily, to busy with their own jobs at hand. Thankfully for you as you didn't feel like explaining why it was taking you double the time for a simple job. You could of done it in your sleep with ease. There was one reason and one reason only you were waiting, well one person that went by the name of Poe Dameron. 

Not only was Poe the best pilot in the resistance, in your eyes he was the best looking as well. Personality went hand in hand with his good looks. There was a warmth to him that drew you like a moth to a flame. In your mind you doubted he even thought of you with the sane high regard, but still here you were waiting for him. Poe was supposed to be back from his mission 2 hours ago and you had heard no reports of issues or trouble. So where was he? You knew you would be unable to sleep unaware of his safe return.

Just about to call it quits a loud noise startled you. There it was, Poe and his x wing! Your stomach flipped as you tried to cassually go meet him. "Keep it cool," you told your self.

You watched as he climbed out, shaking his hair after it had been flattened by his helmet. You had to stop your jaw from dropping watching how good he looked running his fingers through his hair. He broke his conversation with BB8 when he saw you and ran over to you.

"Hey Poe welcome back. You okay? You were back later than scheduled?" you fiddled with the sleeve of your jacket nervously.

"Why? Worried about be y/n? You know, I think I can look after myself." Poe winked at you.

"Oh! No! I didn't mean you couldn't! I just was wondering."

Poe laughed. "Don't worry I'm fine there is a reason I'm late."

Poe shook a container in his hand you failed to notice earlier more concerned with his well being.

"For you." Poe thrust the metal container outwards at you.

"What is it?"

"Open it an see. It was hard to get hold of so I hope its right."

You took it from the pilots hands. Slowly you suspiciously lifted the lid. Your eyes wide in delightl as you realised what was inside.

"How, how did you know?" you gasped at the juicy red sweets inside.

"You once told me these were your favorite. Turns out they are only made on your home planet so had to call in a favour."

"All this for me Poe? I mean thank you I'm just surpised!"

"Yes for you y/n, just let me try one see what the fuss is about."

"Of course! I gurantee you will love them then be sad you didn't keep them for yourself." 

"C'mon lets go back to mine to try them."  Poe put his arm around your shoulder then guided you out of the hanger bay.

Truth be told you hadn't actually finished your job after all that time wasting. Truth be told you didn't care and let Poe guide you. A smile went from ear to ear as you had never been in his quarters before. Nervous excitment filled you.

You didn't know it at the time, but this wouldn't be the last or the only time you went back to his quarters. Little did you know in 6 months time you would be with him in those quarters as a happy couple. Thanks to those juicy red sweets. 


End file.
